Caring for Someone with Dementia at Christmas
Caring for Someone with Dementia at Christmas
How to make the holidays a happy time for everyone.
How to Make the Holidays a Happy Time for Everyone
The Christmas holidays, with twinkling lights and family gatherings, can be both magical and overwhelming, especially when you’re caring for someone with dementia. While our traditional fun and games can bring a lot of joy, the disruption and sensory overload for those living with dementia can trigger confusion and anxiety. This, in turn, is distressing and stressful for caregivers, and it can be hard caring for someone with dementia at Christmas. So, how can we navigate the holiday season to make it as happy as it can be for everyone, protecting both a loved one’s wellbeing and our own?
Understanding the holiday impact on dementia
For someone with dementia, big celebrations, family gatherings and especially the Christmas holidays, present a perfect storm of potential stressors. Changes in routine disrupt the predictability they rely on for feeling secure. Unfamiliar faces arriving for visits can cause confusion and distress, even if these are family members they once knew well. The sensory bombardment of decorations, music, cooking smells, and excited conversations can quickly become overwhelming for a brain already struggling to process information.
We might notice increased agitation, a wish to go to bed earlier in the day, or resisting normally enjoyed activities. These aren’t signs of decline, they’re responses to environmental stress, and, knowing this, means we can respond with compassion rather than frustration.
Creating a dementia-friendly holiday environment
The key to successful holiday celebrations lies in keeping things simple and keeping regular routines as consistent as possible. Even if it means having Christmas lunch at the usual time rather than later in the day. When decorating, opt for familiar items from past holidays rather than introducing lots of new stuff and focus on one or two key areas of the home.
If hosting gatherings, keep them smaller and shorter. A two-hour afternoon tea is far more manageable than an all-day event. Creating a quiet space where our loved ones can retreat when overwhelmed is important. It’s also helpful to talk to visitors beforehand about our loved one’s condition and needs. Many families are affected by dementia and people will understand.
Managing family expectations
This can be the most emotionally challenging aspect. Family members who don’t see our loved one regularly may not understand how much the dementia has progressed. Because of this, they may have unrealistic hopes for what they think of as a ‘normal’ holiday reunion, and may unintentionally add pressure by expecting elaborate meals and prolonged visits.
The best thing we can do for our wellbeing, alongside that of our loved one, is to have honest conversations with family and friends before the festivities begin. Explaining the situation caringly, but also clearly. Giving an idea for lengths of visits and the type of activities that work best. It’s okay to say, “We’d love to see you, but let’s keep the visits to an hour in the early afternoon when Dad isn’t too tired. He’ll be able to enjoy it much more then too.”
There may be some hurt feelings from family members who feel disappointed and excluded by the changes, yet our primary responsibility is to our loved one’s wellbeing and our own as a caregiver. We’re not being unreasonable by adapting traditions, we’re being realistic and compassionate to everyone.
Looking after ourselves
Caregiver burnout intensifies during any celebrations or holiday time, when social expectations add to daily responsibilities. We cannot pour from an empty cup! And when did martyr-level self-sacrifice ever help anyone in the long run?
Watch out for signs of stress: trouble sleeping, irritability, feeling tearful or hopeless, headaches or stomach issues. These are red flags that should not be ignored. If you experience these, your self-care needs to become a priority. It’s time to speak to your family, call a support helpline for advice, speak to your GP and connect with other caregivers that can offer practical strategies from people who really understand.
Importantly, let’s give ourselves permission to scale back. We don’t need to bake trays of mince pies, attend every party producing ‘Instagram-worthy’ moments, and shop for the multitude. The key is to identify what truly matters to us and our loved one. We need to think how we can delegating tasks, accepting help when offered, and letting the rest go without guilt.
Consider whether certain traditions can be simplified and shared. Perhaps the family dinner moves to a restaurant, or someone else hosts this year. It’s also a good idea to schedule respite care, if possible, even just for a few hours at a day centre or with another carer. This isn’t selfish; it’s essential wellbeing maintenance that allows us to continue caregiving.
Finding moments of joy
Despite the challenges, meaningful connection is still possible. By focusing on simple, sensory experiences: listening to favourite songs and Christmas carols, looking through old photo albums, baking a cherished recipe, or simply sitting quietly holding hands. These moments may look different from past holidays, but they carry their own profound value.
The people we’re caring for may not remember the details, but they’ll register the feeling of safety, love, and peace that we have created, and that emotional imprint is what matters. Changing and letting go of some of our Christmas traditions is undoubtedly hard, but we can still create warmth, connection and joy for our loved ones and, just as importantly, for ourselves.
In the UK today, 700,000 friends and family are dementia carers (Alzheimer’s Society), with 9 in 10 carers for people with dementia experience stress or anxiety several times a week, and 73% of people agree that caring for elderly parents contributes to burnout (Mental Health UK).